A Quickie Before I Nod Off

Someday. Someday this blog will contain fun stuff. Comedy pieces, entertaining photographs, glib reviews of terrible movies no one remembers. I’ve been saying that for a year, and doggone it, I mean it. But not yet, because tired.

Here’s a few highlights, which may or may not explain the lack of interesting material:

I have a temp job that involves building spreadsheets in a sort of assembly line set-up. There’s about a dozen people on the project. Lots of copy and pasting of quote meaningless numbers unquote. I hit ctrl-c and ctrl-v so many times I couldn’t grip anything with my left hand. I’m better now, but it’s left me a little fried and comedy impaired.

I auditioned for Vilification Tennis, and got in! An incredibly hard fought competition that led to four new Vilifiers. Insults ahoy! I’m already scheduled for their June show, which goes up the 28th and 29th at the Bryant Lake Bowl.

My next show, What Happened To The Dollar?, goes up this week, also at the Bryant Lake Bowl. Cripes almighty, I spend a lot of time at the Bryant Lake Bowl these days. I’m playing the Chairman of the Federal Reserve Bank, which in a weird way is kind of a dream role. It’s hard to explain briefly. There’s a lot of things about the part I can geek out about. It’s not often you get a part that lends itself to actor geeking. Dollar? is a production of Box Wine Theatre, and that goes up May 12th through May 26th, Thursdays and Sundays at 7 PM.

And after a long and snowy April, my squills finally bloomed. They were planted aeons ago, and have spread all over my yard. Half my yard is blue. The other half is full of wild onion, but we don’t talk about that half. It’s not spring until the squills bloom.

Let’s not mention the acre and a half of writing I’ve not done. Oh shit, I mentioned it. C’est la vie.

So anyway: theater, lots. Day job, stupefying. Yard, flowery. Bed, now.

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Long Time, No Blog

Jeepers. It’s been a while. Why the long digital silence? Uh… stuff. Yeah. Stuff.

Without going into gory details, I got rehired by my place of work as a temp, to do the exact same job from which they laid me off. See, they laid me off right before the busiest time of year for my job. The temp agency called them up for a reference, and they said (paraphrased) “um, er, ah, could we get Kelvin back for a while? We’re kind of screwed.” So that happened.

Then the backlog got cleared up, and the incoming work slowed down to a trickle, and now I’m working part time. And looking for a real job. Resumes were posted online and whatnot. You know who loves me? Guys from India who want me to start my own insurance agent franchise. That seems an oddly specific type for me to attract, but whatever je ne sais quoi I’m projecting there, I’m seriously working it.

As weird as this whole situation has been, it has paradoxically left me pretty well off. The lay off severance, the paid out vacation, overtime temp work, and the lack of benefit deductions have made me as cash-on-hand rich as I’ve ever been. Of course, I can’t spend any of it on anything cool. It’s dwindling away on such luxuries as food and heat, possibly for several months, but it’s nice to know I’m not in any immediate emergency.

So… yeah. Overtime work, worries about Christmas, Thanksgiving, and employment, plus the occasional non-noteworthy crappy movie have left me without much bloggable material. And there you go.

One thing to note: my remount of Someone Is Wrong On The Internet is a go! Contracts have been signed and shit. A co-production with Shadow Horse Productions, it’ll go up at the Bryant-Lake Bowl on February 1st and 2nd, at 7:00. If you missed it at the Minnesota Fringe Festival, you’ve got another shot. Ticket discount with a Fringe Festival button available! Now to re-memorize the bastard, mull over adding a couple extra bits, etc.

Oh! And the swede of Die Hard I starred in finally got edited together. Man, that was a fun day. Featuring C. Robert Cargill (screenwriter of the recent horror hit Sinister) in a supporting role, plus Joseph Scrimshaw and plenty of other local notables. And some doofus named Jeremy Messersmith provided the music. I guess he’s popular or something. Go ahead and see why I should never, ever be allowed to wear a wifebeater!

Get A Job

Things have screeched to a standstill. Why? I got laid off.

Happened at the end of September. I had the choice of getting laid off, or staying on in a part time capacity, depending on available work. Long story short, I couldn’t accept the uncertainty, so I took the lay off.

But don’t cry for me, Argentina. As hard as this may be to picture, it was the nicest lay off you could possibly imagine. I’ve been laid off before, and trust me, this was the gold standard of lay offs. With the severance and paid out unused vacation, I should be okay for a couple of months. I’ve already talked to a temp agency, and I’m pretty confident I’ll get something soon.

It just means that creative and social stuff, like blogging for example, became a low priority. I’m probably over adjusting. Just because I’m unemployed doesn’t mean I have to become a hermit and eat tree bark. But I don’t want to get comfortable with sloth either. And believe me, I can get pretty comfortable with sloth.

More positively, I’m still doing improv. I wound up back in Friday Night Stage Match at the Brave New Workshop Student Union, and I’ve been doing sets there. I just wish I got back into it in a less whiny fashion, but there you go. Sometimes pointless Internet bitching isn’t so pointless. I’ll be up again on October 12, October 26, and November 2. That’s at 8:00 for $5.00, folks.

Also, I’ll be in the Drinking Game show for December, by Shadow Horse Productions. The movie will be Scrooged and I’m slated to play the Bobcat Goldthwait part. That’ll be at the Bryant-Lake Bowl, date and time TBA, as they say.

Also, it looks likely that Someone Is Wrong On The Internet will be remounted sometime in late winter/early spring. But there are a fair number of ifs involved. Stay tuned.

What else?

  1. I learned not to drink mead at the Renaissance Festival, because bees will drown themselves in your drink, and your bee sting allergic companion will freak.
  2. I also learned not to brag about all these people you know who work the Renaissance Festival, because they will hide and you will look like a putz.
  3. I found out Crossfit will keep you active and in shape, providing you don’t define “active and in shape” by your ability to climb stairs or sit on a toilet, as you won’t be able to do those things because Crossfit will fill your thighs with lava.
  4. And being jobless is a good time to do laundry and cook. Just made a huge-ass pot of chili that will feed me for a week. If only I could be so productive when employed.

Toodles.